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“"Settle down." How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. "Settle," a word which here means "settling for less," and "down," my personal least favorite direction. Let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. "Coach Genghis," she said to me, "I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds." I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right? And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to... settle down? I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars. Do you know what happened? She died in a mysterious fire.”
Count Olaf's fake story

Coach Genghis was Count Olaf's coach disguise while at Prufrock Preparatory School.

History

Quotes

“So much to learn, and I am here to school you.”
Count Olaf
“"Settle down." How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. "Settle," a word which here means "settling for less," and "down," my personal least favorite direction.”
Count Olaf
Count Olaf as Coach Genghis: Let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. "Coach Genghis," she said to me, "I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds." I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?
Nero Feint: Um, they're schoolchildren.
Count Olaf as Coach Genghis: Exactly. And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to... settle down?
“Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars. Do you know what happened? She died in a mysterious fire.”
Count Olaf
“Settling down is what losers do. Settling down is what started World War I. Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip and then your lip gets swollen and so you bite your lip again and then you keep doing that thing where you keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that. Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?”
Count Olaf
My body is a temple, young man. I would never sully my skin the way so many young people do nowadays with their hedonistic lifestyle of loud music and abstinence.”
Count Olaf to Klaus Baudelaire
“Students! Faculty! Don't worry if every exercise program you have tried has failed you, because I am here to fail you more by putting the "whip" back into "whip you into shape." Everyone, get on your feet, and let's try something that I invented one lonely night at a truck stop, called jumping jacks.”
Count Olaf
“As anyone who has been to junior college knows, orphans tend to have unsound bodies, which leads to paranoia, delusion and untapped wealth. That's why I have developed the Special Orphans Running Exercises, or S.O.R.E. for short, which I will be offering to a few select students.”
Count Olaf introducing the Special Orphans Running Exercises
This school has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging.”
Count Olaf
“This reminds me of a story. Some time ago, three orphans came to me needing my help. "Coach," they said to me, "we're complete failures. We have an enormous fortune, and we're keeping it all to ourselves out of our own selfishness. How do we learn to share? How do we learn to give up in the face of all-powerful, very good-looking physical strength?" And do you know what I told them?”
Count Olaf during an arm wrestle against the Baudelaires

Trivia

Gallery

Main article: Count Olaf/Gallery#Coach Genghis 2
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