Count Olaf is a criminal fugitive mastermind and actor.
Disguises[]
- Main article: Count Olaf's disguises
Anagrams[]
- Al Funcoot
- Flacutono (used by Fernald)
- O. Lucafont (used by the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender)
Relationships[]
- Main article: Count Olaf's relationships
Biography[]
Quotes[]
“Allow me to introduce myself, because, as you can see from my mole, we've never met before. As you can see from my coat, hat and ascot, I'm here on business. And as you can see from my sunglasses, it's bright out. I'm here to consult with you on the Baudelaire will, for which I understand you are the executioner.”
- —Count Olaf to Arthur Poe
“Welcome to my humble home, orphans, and... a man with a hat on.”
- —Count Olaf
- “Do you know what this is?”
- “It looks like a list.”
- “WRONG! It's a list. A list of chores. Rich brats like you are probably spoiled rotten and have never done a chore in your life.”
— Count Olaf and Klaus Baudelaire |
“I don't have time to learn a second language besides whatever it is I'm speaking right now.”
- —Count Olaf about Sunny Baudelaire's language
“You know, some people say that the hardest job in the world is raising a child. But it is nothing compared to conceiving, writing, directing, producing and performing in a theatrical presentation for the purposes of stealing their dead parents' fortune. It's a very difficult job, and I will not have any orphans mucking it up.”
- —Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
“I didn't realize the sand went so quickly. I bought it online. You're gonna need to flip it a couple of times.”
- —Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
“I'll get my hands on your fortune if it's the last thing I do. And when I have it, I will tear you and your siblings from limb to limb.”
- —Count Olaf to Violet Baudelaire
“If I wanted to harm you, orphan, your blood would be streaming out of this car like a waterfall. No, I am not going to harm a hair on any Baudelaire's head. At least, not on purpose. But accidents happen all the time, don't they?”
- —Count Olaf to the Baudelaires before leaving to the Murnau Cinema
“I'm so tired of having to explain everything to you. You're supposed to be so smart, and yet you persistently seem to forget about this.”
- —Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
- “I thought you were supposed to be a nice girl. Nice girls aren't supposed to dig through people's personal, private property. Especially when it's... Wasn't it locked?”
- “It was.”
- “Oh, how clever. But I bet you're not clever enough for this. I have four tickets with me to Peru right now. I was going to take you and your siblings, because that's just the kind of guardian I am. But I'll settle for one of you.”
— Count Olaf and Violet Baudelaire |
- “I'm taking you to prison.”
- “Good luck with that. I'm armed.”
- “So am I.”
- “Child's play.”
- “Adorable.”
- “Is that a harpoon gun? You'd never use it. One of your great gifts is your eminent compassion. You wouldn't squash a spider.”
- “I like spiders.”
- “Well, that's good, because there's one on your shoulder right now.”
- “I'm not falling for that.”
- “No, no, I'm serious. It's on your left shoulder. It's one of the bigger ones. I wanna say tarantula? Ugh.”
— Count Olaf and Jacquelyn Scieszka |
“Let's not split hairs. That's Klaus' job. And you can shout as much as you want. Your brother isn't here right now.”
- —Count Olaf to Violet Baudelaire
- “Poor little orphan. Haven't you learned anything this year? Week? Season? Wherever you go, I will be waiting. Wherever you hide, I will hunt you down. I'm smarter. I'm pluckier. I'm stronger. I'm unstoppable!”
- “Why do you hate us so much?”
- “Because it's fun.”
— Count Olaf and Violet Baudelaire |
- “You think you're so superior, with your fancy optometry degree and weird hypnosis thing. Well, I don't need a partner. I was better off alone, where my plots were simple and straightforward and didn't involve any high-concept science fiction gimmicks.”
- “Are you breaking up with me again?”
- “No, I'm breaking up with you... again!”
- “You're being insensitive.”
- “You're being inor—”
- “Oh, don't say the word!”
— Count Olaf and Georgina Orwell |
“Does this seem like a nightmare? A bad dream? Because that's the effect I was going for. Well, I have nightmares too, orphans. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming and the only thing that comforts me is knowing that the three of you will so be screaming youselves, just like another set of wealthy orphans that have happen to be in my clutches.”
- —Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
“Have you seen my press clippings? I could get away with murder... again.”
- —Count Olaf to Klaus Baudelaire
- “It's a taxi, boss. About a mile back. He's been behind us an interminably long time.”
- “You didn't think to mention until now that someone is following us?”
- “I wanted it to be a surprise?”
- “Is it the police?”
- “Why would the police take a taxi?”
— Fernald, Count Olaf, and the Bald Man |
“Welcome to the Firehouse Saloon, folks! I have extremely pricey beverages which you have to pay cash for.”
- —Count Olaf to Jacques Snicket and Olivia Caliban
- “Have you ever hunted, Violet?”
- “Of course not.”
- “Well, if you had, you'd be familiar with a particular experience. There's a particular moment, at the end of a long hunt, when you have the animal cornered. And the animal looks into your eyes, deep into them, to see if there's any mercy in there. And when it sees that there is not, it gives up. It gives its life to you. Well, I have you cornered, Violet, and I have no mercy. Soon enough, your siblings will fall into my trap. And when they do, I won't be satisfied with just your fortune. This time, I will obliterate you and the entire Baudelaire line in the cruelest way imaginable.”
— Count Olaf and Violet Baudelaire |
“I didn't need a fortune-teller to tell me where the Baudelaire brats were hiding. I'd figured that out all by myself. So, allow me to tell you your future. A great deal of suffering and pain and then a long fall to rock bottom. Do you know how that feels? Because I do. But things are looking up for me. I'm cutting all ties with my past failures. Get it? Because I'm actually cutting the rope that you tied...”
- “Remind me why we can't send her back to her parents.”
- “We burned down their house with them inside.”
- “Wait, what did you say?”
- “Nothing, darling.”
— Count Olaf, Esmé Squalor, and Carmelita Spats |
“Yes, lie to her. That's excellent parenting.”
- —Count Olaf to Esmé Squalor
“No one's ever looked good with a mustache, so I guess I'll be the first.”
- —Count Olaf while putting on his "Jacques Snicket" disguise
“I see your new friends have been keeping you in the dark. You think V.F.D. is noble? Think again. I bet your self-righteous volunteers never told you what's in the sugar bowl, why it's important, or how it was stolen but I could. Oh, the secrets I could share... about V.F.D., about your parents. You think you know this story, but you don't even know how it begins... I'm your last chance to learn what really happened. I can tell you things that you'll never learn on your own. Your choice.”
- —Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
- “You were right, Ish. One harpoon isn't much of a threat against a colony, but how about a diving helmet filled with the world's deadliest fungus?”
- “You don't mean...”
- “That's right! I found the Medusoid Mycelium, and I will unleash it on this island unless you give me those three orphans and that canoe.”
- “The orphans may be mutinous, but they're still under my protection. I won't let you take them.”
- “And how do you plan to stop me?”
- “With this.”
— Count Olaf and Ishmael |
- “You harpooned me!”
- “Well, you started it!”
- “You literally started it!”
— Count Olaf and Ishmael |
Notes[]
Gallery[]
- Main article: Count Olaf/Gallery
Count Olaf | |
---|---|
Leaders: Count Olaf · Esmé Squalor | |
Disguises |
"Jacques Snicket" · "Julio Sham" · "Kit Snicket" · Coach Genghis · Detective Dupin · Gunther · Lonely Old Bartender · Mattathias Medicalschool · Ringmaster · Shirley St. Ives · Stephano · Tourist Dad · Yessica Haircut |
Esmé Squalor | |
---|---|
Leaders: Count Olaf · Esmé Squalor | |
Disguises |
Officer Luciana · Nurse Luciana · Lovely Mom |
Characters | |
---|---|
Leader: Colten Perdigon | |
Leader: Scott Dyer | |
Mentor: Wu
| |
Founder: Ishmael
| |
Skulkin |
Leaders: Samukai
|
Serpent Goddess: Great Devourer
| |
Bizarro Cole · Bizarro Jay · Bizarro Kai · Bizarro Lloyd · Bizarro Nya · Bizarro Skylor · Bizarro Zane | |
Leader: Soto
| |
Stone Army |
Creator: The Overlord
|
Leader: Cryptor
| |
Leader: Chen
| |
Leader: Nadakhan | |
Arrakore · Bamakhan · Khanjikhan · Nadakhan · Phanhakan · Selmakhan | |
Leader(s): The Preeminent · Morro
| |
Acronix · Krux | |
Leader: Garmadon | |
Garmadon Information Technology |
Asimov · GIT Bat Nerd · GIT Mohawk scientist · Steve · Terri |
Leaders: Garmadon · Harumi | |
Leader: Heavy Metal | |
Leader(s): The Omega · The Alpha | |
Leaders: Aspheera · Mambo V | |
Leaders: Grimfax | |
Leader: Fawkins | |
Ruler: Unagami
| |
Ruler: Atta the Ratta
| |
Leaders: Miss Demeanor · The Mechanic
| |
Leader: The Mechanic
| |
Leader(s): Hazza D'ur · Skull Sorcerer
| |
Geckles: Gulch · Garpo · Ginkle · Gleck · Gliff · Groko
| |
Leader(s): Elijah Belgrave · Timothy Belgrave
| |
Ruler: Benthomaar
| |
Leaders: Rapton · Ras
| |
Leader: Bone King
| |
Leader: Ras
| |
Lightning Cobras |
Leader: Cobrai |
Eggbots |
Leader: Eggbot leader
|
Leader(s): Shen · Chameleon
| |
Master: The Maw
| |
World Catastrophe Killzone Department |
Leader: Ava Paige
|
Crew: Amuta Clarke · Bethany Collins · Bill Daly · C. Thompson · J. Turner
| |
Brad Tudabone · Gene · Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon · Marla · Sally · Tommy | |
Administration Agents |
Leader: The Administrator |
Leader(s): TBA | |
Anthropomorphic |
Alpaca · Beaver · Bladvic · Bunnies · Conic · Cragger · Crocodile · Daniel the Giraffe · Eris · Finn McMissile · Frogs (Howie · Kai · Ricky) · Gorzan · Gunter · Hippo · Johnny · Laval · Lightning McQueen · Mater · Mike · Pete · Plovar · Puffins · Q-Teez · Ray the Snail · Razar · Richard · Rogon · Sheep · Shrimp · Spiders · Turtles · Whack Rats · Worriz |
Former Leader: Evil Entity | |
Avatars/AI |
Avatar Cole · Avatar Harumi · Avatar Nya · Avatar Pink Zane |
Head: Cyrus Borg | |
Crossroads citizens |
Alfonzo Frohicky · Arin · Bone Guards · Bone Warriors · Dorama · Grab-Barg · Kreel · Lobbo · Mikloshe · Richie · Sora · Targle · Tope-Epot · Whack Rats |
Founder: Garmadon | |
Electroclan |
Leader(s): Michael Vey · Taylor Ridley
|
Current: Ash · Bolobo · Chamille · Gravis · Griffin Turner · Jacob Pevsner · Karlof · Neuro · Paleman · Tox
| |
Elgen |
Leader(s): Giacomo Gorbachev · Steven Coonradt
|
Entertainers |
Circus Clown · Dorama · Ephraim Bratt · Fire magician · Kanduu |
Explorers |
"Hageman" · Elijah Belgrave
|
Federal Bureau of Investigation |
Founder: TBA
|
Finders |
Bonzle · Fritz · Spitz |
Ghost Children/Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Place animatronics |
Leader: Golden Freddy/Michael Brooks
|
Gladers |
TBA |
Goosebumps characters |
Four generations: Franz Mahar
|
Hawkins National Laboratory |
Leaders: Martin Brenner · Sam Owens |
Head: Jack Bartlett
| |
Historical figures |
Abraham Lincoln · First Spinjitzu Master · George Washington · God · Hiroshi · Jesus Christ · Quanish the Elder · Wujira |
Leader: Sorla
| |
Imperians |
Ruler: Zeatrix Vespasian-Orus
|
International Schools teachers |
Eduardo Malone · Mr. Draybick · Mr. Remora · Mrs. Bass · Mrs. Norton · Ms. Laudita · Rush Revere |
Leader(s): Leia Skywalker · Luke Skywalker · Mace Windu · Rey Skywalker · Yoda
| |
Justice League |
Leader: TBA
|
Chicken · Fugi-Dove · Kirk Langstrom · Sky Pirates · Sons of Garmadon · Soto · Stone Army · The Mechanic · Ultra Violet
| |
Kung fu masters |
Deceased: Badger Twins · Boar · Bull · Chipmunk · Cobra · Elephant · Gorilla · Kai · Oogway · Osprey · Porcupine · Scorpion · Shen · Tai Lung · Thundering Rhino · Wolf
|
Leaders: Jordan Nakamoto · Satoshi Nakamoto
| |
Leisure Village residents |
Gingerwinnie · Grandpa Heffley · Mrs. Anholtz · Mrs. Bingham · Mrs. Cabbage · Mrs. Evesham · Mrs. Fiorkowski · Mrs. Tan |
Madames |
Madame Doom · Madame Zelda · Madame Zeroni |
Magical wizards & witches |
Cho Chang · Dean Thomas · Fred Weasley · George Weasley · Ginny Weasley · Hannah Abbott · Harry Potter · Hermione Granger · Lavender Brown · Neville Longbottom · Nigel Wolpert · Padma Patil · Parvati Patil · Ron Weasley · Seamus Finnigan |
Leader(s): TBA | |
Ninja Monks: TBA | |
Mucoids |
Leader: Zant-Tanz |
Hunters of Secrets: Fred Jones lookalike · Daphne Blake lookalike · Shaggy Rogers lookalike · Velma Dinkley lookalike · Spot
| |
Leaders: Adolf Hitler · Karl Doenitz
| |
Dan Vaapit · Fred Finely · Gayle Gossip · News Reporter · Vinny Folson | |
Leader: Sentry General | |
Founder(s): TBA
| |
Leader: Sammy
| |
Presidents |
Abraham Lincoln · Barack Obama · Donald Trump · George Washington · Joe Biden |
Emperor of Ninjago · Empress of Ninjago · Princess Harumi | |
Security guards |
|
Royal Family: Vania
| |
Spider-Society |
Leaders: Miguel O'Hara
|
Players: Ali Abdul · Bae Dong-il · Byeong-gi · Chae Gang-sun · Cho Sang-woo · Cho Su-jin · Do Jung-soo · Ham Young-nam · Han Mi-nyeo · Hwang In-ho · Jang Deok-su · Jang Seung-jong · Ji-yeong · Jung Il-sik · Jung Min-tae · Kang Sae-byeok · Kim Mi-ok · Kim Yea-han · Ko Sun-ha · Lee Young-hoo · Mun Jang-ho · No Sang-hun · Oh Il-nam · Oh Yeong-uk · Park Ju-un · Park Min-hyuk · Park Pil-sam
| |
Former Leaders: Simon J. Palladino
| |
"The Party" |
Dustin Henderson · Erica Sinclair · Jane Hopper · Jonathan Byers · Lucas Sinclair · Max Mayfield · Mike Wheeler · Nancy Wheeler · Robin Buckley · Steve Harrington · Suzie Bingham · Will Byers |
Leader: Fungus
| |
Leader: Milton Dyer
| |
Volunteers Fighting Disease |
John Bobek · Lauren McGibbon |
Government |
Court: Gil Colson · High Court · Justice Strauss · William Toughbutt
|
Ancient humans |
Neanderthals |
Tribes |
|
Celebrities |
Actors and voice actors: Cliff Gordon
|
Creatures |
Named: Nessie · Nian · Wojira
|
Classifications/Sub-groups |
Anacondrai generals · Avatars · Belgrave's Army · Borg Tower security guards · Elemental Alliance · Explorer's Club · Explorer's Club security guards · Fast Chickens · Ice Fishers · Kryptarium inmates · Never-Realm Resistance · Nindroids · Ninjago City security guards · NPCs · Royal Blacksmiths · Spin Harmony · Stranded ninja · Time Twins · Treble Makers |
Non-canon |
|
Other |
Pet owners: Mister Whiskers · Pebbles · Snickers
|