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“I see your new friends have been keeping you in the dark. You think V.F.D. is noble? Think again. I bet your self-righteous volunteers never told you what's in the sugar bowl, why it's important, or how it was stolen, but I could. Oh, the secrets I could share... about V.F.D., about your parents. You think you know this story, but you don't even know how it begins... I'm your last chance to learn what really happened. I can tell you things that you'll never learn on your own. Your choice.”
— Count Olaf to the Baudelaires

Count Olaf is a criminal fugitive mastermind and actor.

Disguises

Main article: Count Olaf's disguises

Anagrams

Relationships

Main article: Count Olaf/Relationships

Biography

Quotes

“Allow me to introduce myself, because, as you can see from my mole, we've never met before. As you can see from my coat, hat and ascot, I'm here on business. And as you can see from my sunglasses, it's bright out. I'm here to consult with you on the Baudelaire will, for which I understand you are the executioner.”
—Count Olaf to Arthur Poe
“Welcome to my humble home, orphans, and... a man with a hat on.”
—Count Olaf
Count Olaf: Do you know what this is?
Klaus Baudelaire: It looks like a list.
Count Olaf: WRONG! It's a list. A list of chores. Rich brats like you are probably spoiled rotten and have never done a chore in your life.
“I don't have time to learn a second language besides whatever it is I'm speaking right now.”
—Count Olaf about Sunny Baudelaire's language
“You know, some people say that the hardest job in the world is raising a child. But it is nothing compared to conceiving, writing, directing, producing and performing in a theatrical presentation for the purposes of stealing their dead parents' fortune. It's a very difficult job, and I will not have any orphans mucking it up.”
—Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
“I didn't realize the sand went so quickly. I bought it online. You're gonna need to flip it a couple of times.”
—Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
“I'll get my hands on your fortune if it's the last thing I do. And when I have it, I will tear you and your siblings from limb to limb.”
—Count Olaf to Violet Baudelaire
“If I wanted to harm you, orphan, your blood would be streaming out of this car like a waterfall. No, I am not going to harm a hair on any Baudelaire's head. At least, not on purpose. But accidents happen all the time, don't they?”
—Count Olaf to the Baudelaires before leaving to the Murnau Cinema
I'm so tired of having to explain everything to you. You're supposed to be so smart, and yet you persistently seem to forget about this.”
Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
Count Olaf: I thought you were supposed to be a nice girl. Nice girls aren't supposed to dig through people's personal, private property. Especially when it's... Wasn't it locked?
Violet Baudelaire: It was.
Count Olaf: Oh, how clever. But I bet you're not clever enough for this. I have four tickets with me to Peru right now. I was going to take you and your siblings, because that's just the kind of guardian I am. But I'll settle for one of you.
Jacquelyn Scieszka: I'm taking you to prison.
Count Olaf: Good luck with that. I'm armed.
Jacquelyn Scieszka: So am I.
Count Olaf: Child's play.
Jacquelyn Scieszka: Adorable.
Count Olaf: Is that a harpoon gun? You'd never use it. One of your great gifts is your eminent compassion. You wouldn't squash a spider.
Jacquelyn Scieszka: I like spiders.
Count Olaf: Well, that's good, because there's one on your shoulder right now.
Jacquelyn Scieszka: I'm not falling for that.
Count Olaf: No, no, I'm serious. It's on your left shoulder. It's one of the bigger ones. I wanna say tarantula? Ugh.
“Let's not split hairs. That's Klaus' job. And you can shout as much as you want. Your brother isn't here right now.”
—Count Olaf to Violet Baudelaire
Count Olaf: Poor little orphan. Haven't you learned anything this year? Week? Season? Wherever you go, I will be waiting. Wherever you hide, I will hunt you down. I'm smarter. I'm pluckier. I'm stronger. I'm unstoppable!
Violet Baudelaire: Why do you hate us so much?
Count Olaf: Because it's fun.
Count Olaf: You think you're so superior, with your fancy optometry degree and weird hypnosis thing. Well, I don't need a partner. I was better off alone, where my plots were simple and straightforward and didn't involve any high-concept science fiction gimmicks.
Georgina Orwell: Are you breaking up with me again?
Count Olaf: No, I'm breaking up with you... again!
Georgina Orwell: You're being insensitive.
Count Olaf: You're being inor...
Georgina Orwell: Oh, don't say the word!
“Does this seem like a nightmare? A bad dream? Because that's the effect I was going for. Well, I have nightmares too, orphans. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming and the only thing that comforts me is knowing that the three of you will so be screaming youselves, just like another set of wealthy orphans that have happen to be in my clutches.”
—Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
“Have you seen my press clippings? I could get away with murder... again.”
Count Olaf to Klaus Baudelaire
Hook-Handed Man: It's a taxi, boss. About a mile back. He's been behind us an interminably long time.
Count Olaf: You didn't think to mention until now that someone is following us?
Hook-Handed Man: I wanted it to be a surprise?
Bald Man: Is it the police?
Count Olaf: Why would the police take a taxi?
“Welcome to the Firehouse Saloon, folks! I have extremely pricey beverages which you have to pay cash for.”
—Count Olaf to Jacques Snicket and Olivia Caliban
Count Olaf: Have you ever hunted, Violet?
Violet Baudelaire: Of course not.
Count Olaf: Well, if you had, you'd be familiar with a particular experience. There's a particular moment, at the end of a long hunt, when you have the animal cornered. And the animal looks into your eyes, deep into them, to see if there's any mercy in there. And when it sees that there is not, it gives up. It gives its life to you. Well, I have you cornered, Violet, and I have no mercy. Soon enough, your siblings will fall into my trap. And when they do, I won't be satisfied with just your fortune. This time, I will obliterate you and the entire Baudelaire line in the cruelest way imaginable.
“I didn't need a fortune-teller to tell me where the Baudelaire brats were hiding. I'd figured that out all by myself. So, allow me to tell you your future. A great deal of suffering and pain and then a long fall to rock bottom. Do you know how that feels? Because I do. But things are looking up for me. I'm cutting all ties with my past failures. Get it? Because I'm actually cutting the rope that you tied...”
—Count Olaf to Beverly and Elliot
Count Olaf: Remind me why we can't send her back to her parents.
Esmé Squalor: We burned down their house with them inside.
Carmelita Spats: Wait, what did you say?
Esmé Squalor: Nothing, darling.
“Yes, lie to her. That's excellent parenting.”
—Count Olaf to Esmé Squalor
“No one's ever looked good with a mustache, so I guess I'll be the first.”
—Count Olaf while putting on his "Jacques Snicket" disguise
“I see your new friends have been keeping you in the dark. You think V.F.D. is noble? Think again. I bet your self-righteous volunteers never told you what's in the sugar bowl, why it's important, or how it was stolen but I could. Oh, the secrets I could share... about V.F.D., about your parents. You think you know this story, but you don't even know how it begins... I'm your last chance to learn what really happened. I can tell you things that you'll never learn on your own. Your choice.”
—Count Olaf to the Baudelaires
Count Olaf: You were right, Ish. One harpoon isn't much of a threat against a colony, but how about a diving helmet filled with the world's deadliest fungus?
Ishmael: You don't mean...
Count Olaf: That's right! I found the Medusoid Mycelium, and I will unleash it on this island unless you give me those three orphans and that canoe.
Ishmael: The orphans may be mutinous, but they're still under my protection. I won't let you take them.
Count Olaf: And how do you plan to stop me?
Ishmael: With this.
Count Olaf: You harpooned me!
Ishmael: Well, you started it!
Count Olaf: You literally started it!

Notes

Gallery

Main article: Count Olaf/Gallery
Characters

The Resistance

Leader: Colten Potter
Masters of Airjitzu: Cole ("Rocky Dangerbuff") · Fast Chickens · Jay ("Superstar Rockin' Jay") · Kai ("Fire Maker") · Lloyd · Nya · Spin Harmony · Zane ("Snake Jaguar")
Allies: Akita · Andersen Walden · Austin Jenkins · Ava Prentis · Ben Howard · Ben Saul · Blake McLemore · Bruce Wayne · Charlie Holbrook · Charlie Scoggins · Cyrus Borg · Damian Bartley · Dareth · Douglas Elton · Elijah Crawford · Evan Haerle · Ethan Johnson · Falcon · Fuchsia Ninja · Garmadon · Grayson Brezina · Griff Wade · Gwen Stacy · Isadora Quagmire · Jack Sparks · Jackson Williamson · Jake · James Sullivan · Jonathan Pfeifer · Judah Jones · Kataru · Landon Croft · Lansing Jenkins · Macy Halbert · Mfumu Mukenge · McKellar Thurmond · Misako · Okino · Padraig Wade · Parker Brezina · Parker L. Jackson · Peter Parker · Peter Porker · Peni Parker · Pixal · R.L. Stine · Racer Seven · Randy Jones · Ronin · Rumi · Scott Dyer · Seliel · Skylor Chen · Turner Dolce · Vania · Violet Baudelaire · William Cherry · Wu ("Rocky Dangerbuff Junior") · Xin Hatcher

Volunteer Fire Department

Founder: Ishmael
Commanders: Gustav Sebald · Jacques Snicket
Members: Beatrice Baudelaire · Bertrand Baudelaire · Colten Potter · Dewey Denouement · Frank Denouement · Gregor Anwhistle · Isaac Anwhistle · Jacquelyn Scieszka · Josephine Anwhistle · Kit Snicket · Klaus Baudelaire · Larry Your-Waiter · Lemony Snicket · Monty Montgomery · Mr. Quagmire · Mrs. Quagmire · Olivia Caliban · Quigley Quagmire · Scott Dyer · Sunny Baudelaire · Violet Baudelaire · Xin Hatcher
Allies: Babs · Duncan Potter · Duncan Quagmire · Harry Doyle · Isadora Quagmire · Jerome Squalor · Justice Strauss · Maya Potter · Milton Dyer · Ryan Booth · Sebastian Potter
Former Members: Count Olaf · Esmé Squalor · Fernald · George Stacy · Gwen Stacy · Lloyd Garmadon

Skulkin

Leaders: Samukai
Generals: Nuckal · Kruncha · Wyplash
Members: Bonezais · Chopovs · Frakjaws · Krazis

Serpentine

Anacondrai: Anacondrai Generals · Anacondrai Serpent · Arcturus · Pythor
Fangpyre: Fangdam · Fangtom · Fang-Suei · Snappa
Venomari: Acidicus · Lasha · Lizaru · Spitta · Zoltar
Constrictai: Bytar · Chokun · Skalidor · Snike
Hypnobrai: Mezmo · Rattla · Selma · Skales · Slithraa · Skales Jr.
Vermillion: Blunck · Machia · Raggmunk · Rivett · Slackjaws · Tannins · Vermin
Creatures: Bigmillion · Buffmillions
Other: Clancee · Great Devourer

Bizarro Ninja

Bizarro Cole · Bizarro Jay · Bizarro Kai · Bizarro Lloyd · Bizarro Nya · Bizarro Skylor · Bizarro Zane

Soto's Pirate Crew

Leader: Soto
First Mate · No-Eyed Pete · Unnamed Pirates

Stone Army

Creator: The Overlord
General:Kozu
Giant Stone Warrior · Stone Scouts · Stone Swordsmen · Stone Warriors

Nindroids

Leader: Cryptor
Members: Min-Droid · Nindroid Drones · Nindroid Warriors

Anacondrai Warriors

Leader: Chen
Clouse · Zugu · Eyezor · Kapau · Chope · Krait · Sleven
Creatures: Anacondrai Serpent
Allies: Kabuki

Ghost Warriors

Leader: The Preeminent
Morro · Chain Master Wrayth · Blade Master Bansha · Scythe Master Ghoultar · Bow Master Soul Archer
Ghost Ninja: Attila · Hackler · Howla · Ming · Spyder · Wooo
Ghost Warriors: Cowler · Cyrus · Ghurka · Pitch · Pyrrhus · Wail · Yokai

Sky Pirates

Leader: Nadakhan
Bucko · Clancee · Cyren · Dogshank · Doubloon · Flintlocke · Monkey Wretch · Squiffy · Skeleton Figurehead
Other: Dilara

Djinn

Bamakhan · Khanjikhan · Nadakhan · Phanhakan · Selmakhan · Unnamed Djinn Kings

Ghosts

Leader: TBA
Temple of Airjitzu Ghosts: Kodokuna Yang · Master Yin · Yang's Students (Chris Kratt · "Chuck" · First Airjitzu Master · Macy Halbert · Martin Kratt · Unnamed female student)
Sad Ghosts: Alex Boudoun · Andy Lasky · Barry the Bomber · Bart Chaney · Belulah Demonay · Gary Atric · Grandma Winnie · Grandpa Sam · Joe Ishmael · Joe Snow · Luigi Gelato · Maiken Hill · Mamali Grumbmiller · Molly Jones · Morgan Walken · Mr. Nibs · Mr. White · Old Fuller · Ron Duke · Roy · Spencer · Spewer · T.E. Anderson · Ted Bixby · Trudy Joy · Wendy Batt
Former Gloombies: TBA
Former Leader: Evelina D'Ombre

Time Twins

Acronix · Krux

Shark Army

Leader: Garmadon
Generals: General Jollty · General Olivia · General Omar
Angler · Angler Goon · Charlie · Crusher · Crusty · Four Eyes · Great White · Hammer Head · Jelly · Octopus · Private Puffer · Puffer · Shark Army Gunners
Creatures: Meowthra

Garmadon Propulsion Laboratories

Leader: Terri
Members: Asimov · Steve

Sons of Garmadon

Leaders: Garmadon · Harumi
Generals: Killow · Mr. E · Ultra Violet
Members: "Rocky Dangerbuff" · "Snake Jaguar" · Buffer · Chopper Maroon · Luke Cunningham · Mohawk · Nails · Painta · Sawyer · Scooter · Unnamed SoG Warriors
Giants: Colossus

Dragon Hunters

Leader: Heavy Metal
Generals: Jet Jack · Daddy No Legs
Members: "Rocky Dangerbuff" · "Rocky Dangerbuff Junior" · Arkade · Chew Toy · Dangerbuff Clan · Muzzle · Nitro · Otto Pilot · Scar · Talon · Stalwart Dangerbuff
Former Members: Iron Baron

Oni

Leader(s): The Omega · The Alpha
Oni Warlords · Oni Warriors
Former Members: Marty Oppenheimer · Mystake

Pyro Vipers

Leaders: Aspheera · Mambo V
Generals: Char
Elemental Cobras · Fire Fang · Mambo's Advisor · Pyro Destroyers · Pyro Slayers · Pyro Whippers

Blizzard Samurai

Leaders: Grimfax
Former Leaders: Ice Emperor
Former Generals: Grimfax · Vex
Blizzard Archers · Blizzard Sword Masters · Blizzard Warriors · Grimfax's Advisor
Robots: Ice Behemoth

Formlings

Leader: Fawkins
Members: Akita · Jonathan Pfeifer · Kataru · Other Unnamed Formlings
Formless Formlings: Vex

Empire Army

Emperor: Unagami
Red Visors: Red 27 · Red 29
Members: Kabuki Hostess · Sushimis (Blue · Lime · Orange · Yellow) · Whack Rats · Avatars/NPCs: Avatar Harumi

Whack Rats

Leader: Atta the Ratta
General(s): Hausner/Ritchie · TBA
Members: Richie · Unnamed rats

Prime Empire Association

Leader: The Mechanic
Fugi-Dove · Soto · Ultra Violet

Keepers

Leader: TBA
TBA

Awakened Warriors

Leader: Skull Sorcerer
Warriors

Dungeon Creatures

Geckles: Chancellor Gulch · Garpo · Ginkle · Gleck · Gliff · Groko
Munce: Queen Murtessa · Moe · Murt

Dinosaurs

Maiasaura · Stegosaurus · Tyrannosaurus Rex

Shadow Army

Leader: Clouse
Emperor Palpatine · Master Nya

Zombie Ghouls

Leader: Capers Jones
Miles Morales · Judah Jones · Randy Jones

Lightning Cobras

Leader: Cobrai
Cobra Archers · Cobra Destroyers · Cobra Lashers · Cobra Obliterators · Cobra Slayers · Cobra Sword Masters · Cobra Warriors · Cobra Whippers

Earth Ghouls

Leader: Norman Adams
Earth Ghoul General · Former members from the Zombie Ghouls

Aqua Vipers

Leader: Helena
Hermia · Capers Jones · Aqua Viper Warriors

Eggbots

Leader: Eggbot Leader
Eggbot Warriors

Sons of Shen

Former Leader: Shen
General: Prince Jeeki · Tai Lung
Members: TBA

Elemental Emperors

Lightning Emperor · Ice Emperor

Old Souls

Master: The Maw
Shadow-Walkers

Bible Characters

God · Jesus Christ · Aaron · Abraham · Isaac · Jacob · John · John the Baptist · Joseph of Arimathea · Joseph the Dreamer · Joseph · Moses · Noah · Zechariah

Anunnaki

Former Leader: Evil Entity
Current Leader: Nova
Members: TBA

Archaeologists

"Hageman" · Forrestal · Jones · Powers
Explorers Club: Putnam · Shippelton · Smythe · Underhill · Wart

Avatars/AI

Avatar Cole · Avatar Harumi · Avatar Nya · Avatar Pink Zane
NPCs: Ballistic Missiles · Chrome Domes · Okino · Racer Seven · Shifty
League of Jay: Beta Jay 137 · Dee-Jay 81 · Jaybird 64 · Jaywalkin 238

Avengers & Justice League

Leader: TBA
Bruce Wayne · Gwen Stacy · Peter Parker · Peter Porker · Peni Parker

Caligari Carnival Freaks

Colette · Hugo · Kevin

Count Olaf's Warriors

Leaders: Count Olaf · Esmé Squalor
Troupe: Bald Man with the Long Nose · Count Olaf · Fernald · Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender
Allies: Carmelita Spats · Esmé Squalor · Georgina Orwell · Man with a Beard but No Hair · White-Faced Women · Woman with Hair but No Beard

Elemental Masters

Current Elemental Masters: Ash · Bolobo · Chamille · Gravis · Griffin Turner · Jacob Pevsner · Karlof · Neuro · Paleman · Tox
Previous Elemental Masters: Cole's Grandfather · Jay's Mother · Lilly · Master of Gravity · Master of Ice · Master of Light · Master of Shadow · Master of Sound · Maya · Morgan Turner · Ninjago Soldiers · Ray · Skylor's Mother

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Founder: TBA
Leaders: TBA
Colten Potter · Ryan Booth · Scott Dyer · Violet Baudelaire
Allies: Central Intelligence Agency · Organization of Super Spies · Volunteer Fire Department

Ghost Hunters

Leader: J.B. Watt
Douglas Elton · Jack Davids · Parker Jackson · Spencer · Vaughn Geist Jackson

Heartland Ranch Staff

Head: Jack Bartlett
Members: Caleb Odell · Tim Fleming · Ty Borden
Allies: Colten Potter · Jonathan Pfeifer · Scott Dyer · Xin Hatcher

High Court

Leader: TBA
Justice Strauss · Man with a Beard but No Hair · Woman with Hair but No Beard

Ice Fishers

Leader: Sorla
Boma · Elders · Ice Fisher Child · Uthaug

International Council

Andrea Thomson · May Robsen

Mystery Solvers

Hunters of Secrets: Fred Jones lookalike · Daphne Blake lookalike · Shaggy Rogers lookalike · Velma Dinkley lookalike · Spot
Fraternitas Mysterium: Gabriello Serra · Ricky Owens lookalike · Short monk · Handsome monk · Porto
Mystery Gang: Cowgirl leader · Attractive cowgirl · Light brunette cowgirl · Blonde cowgirl · Tiny
Benevolent Lodge of Mystery: Oswald P. Burlington · Marianne Blanchard · Abigail Gluck · Scotty O'Rourke · Mr. Peaches
Mystery Fellowship: Cletus Darrow · Mrs. Darrow · Danny Darrow · Darrow Daughter · Whiskers
Mystery Incorporated: Brad Chiles · Judy Reeves · Ricky Owens · Cassidy Williams · Professor Pericles
Current Mystery Incorporated: Fred Jones · Daphne Blake · Velma Dinkley · Shaggy Rogers · Scooby-Doo

National Socialist German Workers' Party

Leader: Adolf Hitler
Heinrich Himmler

Nindroid Sentries

Leader: Sentry General
Members: TBA

Ninjago Royal House

Emperor of Ninjago · Empress of Ninjago · Princess Harumi
Associates: Hutchins · Royal Guards

Organization of Super Spies

Founder: TBA
Commanders: Danger D. Amo · Diego Devlin
Leaders: Gregorio Cortez
Carmen Cortez · Colten Potter · Helga Avellan · Ingrid Cortez · Isador Cortez · Juni Cortez · Scott Dyer · Valentin Avellan

Paperboys

Leader: Sammy
Members: Antonia · Leroy · Nelson · Spokes · Ten-Speed
Former Members: Knuckles

Police

Leader: Police Commissioner
Detectives: Simon · Tommy
Policemen: Jimmy · Night Watchman · Officer Noonan · Officer O'Doyle · Policeman

Presidents

Abraham Lincoln · Barack Obama · Donald Trump · George Washington · Joe Biden

Sky Folk

Royal House: Vania
Winged Guards of Shintaro: Hailmar
Civilians: Engelbert · Engelbert's Wife
Former Hierarchy: Vangelis

Supers

Former Leaders: Simon J. Palladino
Leaders: Karen Fields
Generals: Blitz Wagner
Members: Strig Tyton

Upply

Leader: Cole
Fungus · Korgran · Plundar · Vania · Wu

Vast Industries

Leader: Milton Dyer
Members: Bob the Intern

Volunteers Fighting Disease

John Bobek · Lauren McGibbon

Writers of Destiny

Leader: Fenwick
Members: Nobu

Anthropomorphic

Alpaca · Beaver · Bladvic · Bunnies · Conic · Cragger · Crocodile · Daniel the Giraffe · Eris · Finn McMissile · Frogs (Howie · Kai · Ricky) · Gorzan · Gunter · Hippo · Johnny · Laval · Lightning McQueen · Mater · Mike · Pete · Plovar · Puffins · Q-Teez · Ray the Snail · Razar · Richard · Rogon · Sheep · Shrimp · Spiders · Turtles · Whack Rats · Worriz

Mulctuary Money Management

Arthur Poe · Jacquelyn Scieszka

NGTV

Dan Vaapit · Fred Finely · Gayle Gossip · Vinny Folson

The Daily Punctilio

Eleanora Poe · Geraldine Julienne

Idols

Wohira

Tribes

Minkan · Sybex

Government

Chiang Kai-shek · Fred Jones, Sr. · High Court · International Council · Ninjago's Mayor · Ninjago Police · Ninjago Royal House · Nurhachi · Shintaro Royal House · Sorna

Civilians

Abraham van Helsing · Anderson Cooper · Angie Steadman · Benny · Brad Tudabone · Cathy · Chad · Chirag Gupta · Chris Kratt · Chuck · Cliff Gordon · Darkley · Darnagom Enterprises · Dr. Berkman · Dr. Julien · Dr. Yost · Ed Walker · Edna Walker · Fegan Floop · First Spinjitzu Master · Fenwick · Frank Heffley · Fugi-Dove · Gene · Genesis Frost · Gong & Guitar Rocker · Greg Heffley · Hageman Brothers · Harumi's Mother · Harumi's Father · Hazza D'ur · Heather Hills · Hibiki · Hiroshi · Holly Hills · Ice Fishers · Ishamel · Jake · Jamanakai Villagers · Jeffy · Johnny · Kirk Langstrom · Larry · Linsey Allen · Lou · Maggie · Manny Heffley · Manovi · Martin Kratt · Miles Morales · Mister Whiskers' Owner · Mr. Liu · Mr. Willums · Mrs. Dyer · Mrs. Grumbmiller · Ms. Laudita · Mystake · N-POP Girl · Nancy · Ninja Monks · Nobu · Patty Keys · Pebbles' Owner · Peter Dyer · Peter Harris Dyer · Phil · Pizza Delivery Teen · Prune Juice Seller · Postman · Puddle Land Samurai · Repo Man · Restaurant Owner Hansen · Rodrick Heffley · Rufus MacAllister · Rush Revere · Roise · Sailor Captain · Sally · Sensei · Smith Daryll · Snickers' Owner · Susan Heffley · Talk Show Host · Takuma · Tai-D · The Fold · Tour Bus Driver · Vlad Tutu · Warden Noble · Will · Wujira

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